


this comes as no surprise

by SmittyJaws



Series: you're my best friend [8]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, F/M, ace!Deaky, ace!reader, reader barely shows up in this one sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 14:15:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmittyJaws/pseuds/SmittyJaws
Summary: How did John spend his week separated from you? (Companion piece toi’m a fool, for i believed your lies)





	this comes as no surprise

**Author's Note:**

> If you follow me on Tungle.hellscape, you'll know that I reached 100K words last night! That got me feeling feels, so I thought I’d upload this bonus fic for you all as a thank you.
> 
> I didn’t originally plan to write this, but the idea for it just kind of hit me out of nowhere on Sunday night and I managed to pull this all together yesterday on my day off from work. It’s not a full series part, but rather a bit of an interlude/companion piece to go along with _i’m a fool, for i believed your lies_ , showing what John was up to during the week that he and Reader spend apart. This story won’t really make sense unless you read the other one for the context. (It’s series part 7B, if you will. :P)
> 
> Thanks again for the support and encouragement that’s gotten me to surpass 100,000 words for this adorable couple; I love and appreciate you all! :D

Driving away is the hardest thing John’s done. He almost doesn’t go through with his plan, either - for a brief moment while they’re saying their goodbyes, he toys with just saying “fuck it” and sweeping his wife into his arms and running off to some place secluded to be together and isolate themselves from the rest of the world. He has to talk himself out of that plan, because it’s so very tempting and because he knows that if he gives in, they’ll be happy in the short-term but not for the long-term and he doesn’t want their relationship (or marriage) to break down.

He reminds himself that this is for both of their benefits, and forces himself not to drag out the goodbyes longer than necessary, although one look at the pure misery on his wife’s face (which he’s sure is mirrored on his own) is enough to almost make him reconsider all of this a second time. He stays firm but decides that if nothing else he’ll at least reaffirm that he loves her in the most meaningful way he can, and gives her a kiss on the lips right there on the doorstep before he leaves, taking himself away for the next week so they both can hopefully begin to heal.

——

The first two days are the worst. There’s a part of John that just wants to hole up in his bed and never get up, but he also can’t stand the thought of being idle and alone with his thoughts so he decides to try and keep busy. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have much band business to go over, so that’s out; he remembers bitterly how they had deliberately scheduled this visit around a month off, and briefly curses the band for not having had something come up so he can occupy himself.

He fixes things around the house, or at least attempts to; one of his signs of high stress and anxiety is that his hands shake, and no matter how much he tries to tamp it down, he can’t seem to keep his hands steady enough to get any meaningful work done.

He tries his hand at attempting to write more song lyrics instead; after the success of finally getting something onto the last album, he wants to try again. Unfortunately, all of his lyrics are reflective of his mood, dark and angry and looking at them later, John almost can’t believe that he’s written them: words declaring that he doesn’t need people, that trusting only gets you hurt, that being alone is the way to prevent any more pain. He forgets the specifics that he’s written about in his haze of anger and pain, but reading those words the next day when he’s a bit more clear-headed is enough to make him nauseous.

John finds himself having to run to the loo before he completely spills the meagre contents of his stomach (he hasn’t had much of an appetite) all over the floor at the sight of those words he’s written. He’s shaky again afterwards and finds himself just sitting on the floor next to the toilet for a while hugging his knees to his chest and wishing his wife were here. He feels like he’s some castaway clinging to a piece of driftwood in a storm and desperately trying to stay afloat, and knows he really shouldn’t be alone right now. This doesn’t feel like something he should ask the other hand members for help with, though, not wanting to disrupt their time with family and loved ones on their break, and also not particularly wanting to air his dirty laundry out in front of them.

Then it occurs to him; his parents. It’s a long shot, as they normally go on a trip around this time of year, but John figures he has nothing to lose at this point and finally manages to pull himself up to ring them. It seems to take forever for the call to go through, and he finds himself scratching absently at Bean’s ears when she decides to settle on his lap while he waits for the phone to stop ringing on his parents’ end.

He’s almost given up and assumes he’s missed them, but just as he’s about to hang up, he hears his mother pick up and he breathes a shaky sigh of relief. “Hello, Deacon residence. Who’s calling?”

“…hi, Mum.” John can’t stop the slight tremor in his voice at hearing her on the other end; it means he’s not alone, if only for a while.

“John! My sweet boy, it’s been far too long!” His mother sounds overjoyed, and John can feel some of his tension lowering as he listens to her talk about how she and his father are doing, how Julie’s been doing in school, how they finally got the lovely postcards he’d sent them while on tour. He’s sure she’s told him some of this before, but he’d been so sick and tired for months after getting out of the hospital that he doesn’t mind hearing it again. Really, he’s happy to just sit there and listen to the comforting sound of her voice, only interjecting in the appropriate places and to just pretend that everything is okay.

However, his mother’s too shrewd to not realize that something is wrong, and she asks what the matter is. John wants to tell her, he truly does, but he also doesn’t want to rack up an awful phone bill for his parents. He tells her as such and asks if it’s alright if he visits in a day or two, apologizing for the lack of advance notice. His mother brushes it off: “It’s no trouble at all! When should we be expecting you and your wife?”

Even though he knew he’d have this come up, it doesn’t ache any less when he tells her he’ll come by tomorrow. “…it’s just me this time, Mum.”

“Oh dear.” His mother sounds disappointed. “She’s working, then?”

“…No. She’s visiting her aunt right now.”

“Oh, that’s a shame,” his mother tuts. “Well, make sure to send her our regards when you see her next.”

Even though John knows his mother means well, that doesn’t stop tears from pricking at his eyes slightly, both at the concern and at the reminder that he won’t be seeing his wife for another five days. He manages to keep himself together until he’s off the phone, then the frustration and despair at being alone hit him again. He finds that he doesn’t have much energy to do anything else but crawl back into bed for the rest of the day, huddled up in a ball under the covers with Bean next to him. He forces himself to get up to feed the cat, but can’t seem to make himself want to eat anything. Not even his favourite cheese on toast seems appealing right now, and he knows this isn’t a good sign, but maybe seeing his parents will help.

——

When he gets to his parents’ house, his father is apparently out working, but his mother greets him with a warm hug upon taking in the sight of him so clearly unhappy. She’s already got the kettle on for tea, and once she’s finished making tea for the both of them, she wastes no time on pleasantries and asks John again what the matter is.

The entire ugly story spills out, from the initial phone call, to the visit, to discovering his wife being restrained by her father, the threats that had made John so angry as to raise his hands against him in violence, and sending his wife away to see her aunt while they both try to recover. He’s shaking again by the end of the story, completely in disbelief as to how things went downhill so quickly.

He admits that he’s also slightly ashamed of the fact that he’d resorted to violence in that way; his parents have always said that there were other methods to solve problems besides fists, and it troubles him that he couldn’t seem to find another way. His mother shakes her head, tears in her eyes as John finishes, and pulls him close into another hug. “You did nothing wrong,” she insists, voice unsteady as she dabs at her eyes after she lets him go. “You acted out of self-defence. Fighting for the sake of fighting is one thing; you did the right thing by protecting yourself and her. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I just can’t help feeling as though I’ve let her down. I had a bad feeling about the visit, but I still couldn’t prevent her family from hurting her. I know I was fortunate to get there in time, but what if I hadn’t? I shouldn’t have let her near them and their…their cruelty.” Self-blame is giving way to anger, and John tries to keep a rein on his temper from flaring up at the utter futility of it all, but he can’t prevent a few angry tears from leaking out. “She’s done nothing but take care of me this past year while I’ve been so ill, and I couldn’t do more. I couldn’t take care of her and protect her from all this.”

“Oh, John.” His mother sounds so heartbroken to hear that doubt and blame, and she takes his hand in hers. “I’ve always been worried for you. Ever since you told us you were different, and especially after the two of you found each other, I’ve worried that this sort of thing would come for you. I hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t, but those are just the wishful thoughts of a protective mother. I hoped never to see you suffering like this.”

“It’s not fair,” he whispers, rubbing his free hand over his face and feeling a few more tears slip out, unbidden. “No one should have to have a family that disrespects who you are; that’s hellbent on ‘fixing’ you. Parents are supposed to love their children.”

“They are,” his mother agrees. “But some people get so caught up on those small details that they can’t appreciate the person. And anyway, I’m sure your wife doesn’t blame you for any of this. It’s not like you could have controlled being ill, and you couldn’t very well have restrained her from seeing her family. Marriage and relationships aren’t point balance systems, though,” she reminds John firmly. “There isn’t a scoresheet of who does what for the other, or who should be doing what, and if there is, there shouldn’t be. Sometimes it might seem out of balance, but life always finds a way to even it out. She took care of you while you were gravely ill, and you got her away from her parents before any lasting damage was done - to either of you. To me, it looks as though you’re both taking care of each other quite well.”

“I’m just worried that I’m not doing enough. That I could have done more.” John’s head lowers again. “…that I don’t deserve someone like her.”

“John Richard Deacon, now you listen to me.” John’s head snaps up at the use of his full name to see his mother frowning deeply at him. “I don’t want to hear any of that nonsense; of course you deserve each other. Every time you both visit, I’m always taken by the sight of you so happy together. Ever since you told your father and me that you weren’t and wouldn’t ever be what we had initially expected, we worried. Both your father and I worried that you wouldn’t find someone who would understand you; who would love you in the way you needed to be loved.”

She pauses for a minute, looking John dead in the eyes as she continues. “So you can only imagine how overjoyed we were when we first met her and you both were so clearly happy together, understanding of each other’s needs. And every time we’ve seen you both since, or we talk to either of you about the other, it’s always so very obvious to us that the two of you make each other happy in a way I don’t think anyone else could. Don’t let me hear you giving up on that because you think you don’t deserve it. You deserve to be happy, same as anyone else.”

She finishes her speech with a smile at John, and it’s all John can do to restrain himself from lunging into a tight hug, because somehow she’s hit on every single thing John’s been doubting about himself and his ability to effectively contribute to his marriage.

Somehow his mother knows, though, and opens her arms, beckoning him forward and John leans into the embrace gratefully, drawing all the strength he can from it. “Thank you,” he says when he eventually pulls away. “I needed that. Especially after this awful year.”

“It’s nothing but the truth,” his mother replies, but she’s still smiling. “I’m glad it helped, though. Now, you just need to keep reminding yourself of this and make it through four more days, and soon you’ll see your wife again. I’ve no doubt things will be better then.”

“I think you’re quite right,” John agrees, finally finding his own smile in response.

——

The rest of the week moves by rather quickly after that, John’s mood bolstered by that discussion and his anxiety and stress finally taking a backseat. He manages to get some of the projects around the house taken care of, as well as do a bit of tweaking to his amp that he’s wanted to do for a while since they finished the last album.

Finally, it’s the morning of the day that John’s supposed to pick his wife up, and he wakes up with ideas for some new song lyrics stuck in his head. They’re a lot more positive than the ones that have been plaguing him all week, and he’ll be happy if he doesn’t see those bitter lyrics for a long time (if ever).

He quickly grabs a pen and paper to scribble out the random lines he has, and once he’s forced himself to take a shower and eat some toast, he’s back at it trying to piece out some more of this song. John wishes idly that he had a piano (or could play the piano). Trying to work this song out on a guitar is not doing it justice, and he thinks that this song has real promise. If he’s learned one thing this week, it’s that he wants to declare that this ordeal will only make their relationship stronger, and he’s not above using the band’s platform to tell that to the world (and to her parents specifically, if any of the boys are Queen fans).

He’s so caught up in trying to work on the song that when he finally looks at the clock, it tells him that more time has passed than he’d anticipated and it’s time for him to go. He quickly glances back at one particular lyric while he pulls on his jacket, and can’t help a small smile at how fitting it is. He hopes she likes the song when it’s done.

_Whenever this world is cruel to me, I got you to help me forgive; you’re my best friend_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also @smittyjaws on Tumblr, if you want to hit up my dumpster fire of a blog!


End file.
